Believe to Achieve

Went better than expected since we drove down on Thursday and arrived to our UNshaded campsite that was supposed to be VERY shaded.  Luckily it was NOT as hot as last year but STILL the heat was getting to me and I was worried for myself.  I don't do well in the heat.   That evening (thursday) I walked to the finish line (about .3 miles away) and was walking like a turtle in complete exhaustion.  I had taken two tylenol on the way down to try to get rid of the arthritis like feeling and now I was so intensely fatigued I could barely move.  When the sun went down luckily it was cooling off (unlike last year) and I slept so well for 5.5 hours.  YES.  Thursday we hiked the Navajo Loop at Bryce canyon (3 mile round trip, vertical gain about 500 ft or more) but it soooo worth it.  We hiked another fun 1 mile loop called Bristlecone at 9000ft Elevation.   It was cool when we left but getting up there when we got back.  Friday Melanie and Kim arrived late in the afternoon.  We briefly chatted and had s'mores by our fireside.  Met up the next morning (today) at 4:55am to walk to the shuttle.  I AWOKE  every hour on the hour so at 340am I got out of my tent and wandered over to the bathrooms and washed off all the dirt and smoke on me from camping, taking my time so as to make the time pass quicker.  I was feeling pretty awake.  On the shuttle ride we chatted about our goals.  The three speedstars ( Mel, Kim and JulieE) tell me I should just run as fast as I can.  I think "are you nuts?" I haven't even done near the speedwork times as them.  I can't expect a miracle when I haven't done the time.  So...I knew I had to do my own thing.  I warmed up by myself  for 2.3 miles. I am about the only one that likes a long warm up before a half marathon.   I wanted 3 miles but I started my warmup at 5:36am for a 600am start time.  My first mile warm up was a 9:30.  Laughing thinking "how in the heck am I going to speed this up?  I don't feel like going fast today.  I just want to be a lazy bum.  A couple of aches in my pelvis also made me nervous but after two miles I felt fairly okay to start this race.  AP for 2.3 = 8:46.  I had three minutes to spare to get to the start of the line and tell the threesome good luck.  I stood just behind them a few feet.   Saw Amber Green and Marcie.  Amber looked as fit as ever.   Hence, why she took second in 1:21!!!  : D.  Back to my race.  I start the first mile and I was feeling pretty okay but  then I watched my split go from 6:40 to 6:52 over the first mile (I am thinking I should at least do as well as two years ago--1:29:15) and then the second mile which is first uphill then downhill (a good amt.) for .3 and my split is pathetic (7:00).  At this point I am thinking I so not going to PR,  I am going to fall apart.  I am going to run slower than last year when I was injured (1:32:01).   I especially felt this way when  I couldn't for the life of me bring my pace near the 6:00 flat and under pace on some GREAT downhill, the fastest mile of the race.  SERIOUSLY!?!  Two years ago my third mile was a 5:50!!  And here my third mile is only a 6:19 (Melanie ran this mile in 5:30!!).  I am so going under.  Shoot me now.  But then I told myself to relax.  I honestly think I have RACE ANXIETY.  I feel so ANXIOUS the first few miles that I have a sort of PANIC ATTACK while I am running.  Looking at my split verifies my need to panic and then...BLAH.  Well, apparently that was just me warming up because the next few miles went like this....6:19, 6:19 (three in arow 6:19s) and I am feeling really good.  Then I run a 6:14!!! AND then 6:28  (mile 7) for the UPHILL mile then 6:34 for the part uphill then flatish to down through the town of Tropic where a stray dog side swipes me in front of the Police Officer stopping traffic.  Lots of people here cheering.  I stopped at every water station.  I think there were 5!! : D.    Mile 9,  I am worried about losing my pace and so therefore mentally it made me not push myself so a 6:46.  It was a bit uphill in places however.  Mile 10 I am feeling confident I can finish strong-- 6:34.  Mile 11 6:39.  Some uphill on mile 12 and the "I got to slow now so I can finish strong" mentality-- 6:46.  Mile 13-- 6:37.  I have WAY TOO MUCH LEFT in the tank and I  was feeling great!!  No soreness.  (other than my left big toe that was bugging me for few miles and then I decided to focus on my forefoot lift off and it went away enough not to think about it : D )   My last .1 miles was at a 5:54 pace!!  I sooOOOO  NEED a MENTAL breakthrough on the last  few miles of the half marathon.  I honestly had enough energy to run a 6:00 minute mile but I get this panic feeling that I will collaspe or something or cramp up and not make it to the finish.  Considering that I spent about 5 minutes at the finish and took off by myself for 1.2 more miles at 8:10 pace I was feeling like I should have tried harder.  BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?  I don't like to feel pain at the end of races.    I think because I have so much day to day nerve pain that I just don't like to inflict too much more on myself.  But I WILL TRY HARDER to GET MYSELF faster and have THAT be the NEW PAIN FREE PACE.  I love it!!  It is so nice to be able to walk around after a quick half like you didn't even run one.  Don't worry I will make MYSELF FEEL ALL THE PAIN I HAVE TO TO GO SUBTHREE!!     So I was 8 th overall and the first women OVER 40.  The first five women get $$$  : D.   Sariah Long was first (1:20:40),  Amber Green (1:21:13?), JulieE (1:22:14), Melanie (1:22:24), Kim (1:22:57), some 20 something girl (1:24:16?), MarcieJ (1:25:23)-- so wish I tried harder to catch her since I saw her just in front of me.  Oh Well.  Then myself at 1:26:05.  Again frustrated with not knowing my seconds on my garmin.  I so would have booked it if I knew I was 5 seconds to a 1:25.  When I saw the clock through the crowd I saw 1:25:59 and I was BUMMED and held up my hands in personal agitation and "oh well" kind of kick to myself.  Gee WHIZ.  I am over it NOW.  I guess  : D.