Believe to Achieve

Hi to oever reads my blog. I just cant get up before work and run outside anymore....january stump probably february too. I feel so far from who i used to be. Truth be told i am having a hard time with getting old. The mere fact of being closer to the end of my earthly existence is mind boggling. I am trying to figure out just exactly where i fit in. My past is creeping up on me...and it saddens me greatly...i look forward and for some reason i do not see brightness but old age and grandma like days with a young heart but old body. I look forward to beautiful grandkids but not me being old. It is flying by way too fast for me and i am wondering how older people make it thru? I want to be young again but that is not to be. I must pass through this life and leave my children behind and wait for them in another sphere. I know i seem gloomy and i do not know why these thoughts consume me. What will come of my posterity? How will their lives be? Have i made a difference? Am i making right choices that please my maker? When i reflect i shudder at my mistakes and actions at various points in my life. Running is my way to escape or at least it has been for the past 30 years ....only lately i have run for me without running from something which is why my mileage is not so stellar. I run if i feel like and no longer try to make a mark. It no longer matters to me. I am almost to my goal and i can move on. I cant go back to who i was. I need to accept and move forward with new adventures and challenges. I have the need to try new things , even a new job. There is so much i dont know about. I want to step outside my comfort zone and more fully reach my earthly potential. I feel lost a lot and it is hard to put in writing. Trust me all that may read this and are far younger.+the day will come that your mind will realize that this life is entirely too short anyway u slice it. Live life in goodness and compassion. I am sure thankful for families and friends to hold me up when i feel i am falling and to give me joy when we are together.