Believe to Achieve

......and the headache hits with a vengeance.  left sided trigeminal neuralgia...burning nerve pain in the face (cheek, ear, forehead), back of head (occiput), left shoulder and shoulder blade.  So the pain has moved on for the most part to my head and shoulder...I think I prefer the leg pain to the face pain except its harder to run with leg pain : D.  I also have some patchy numbness in the left leg too and only brief deep nerve pain in the upper thigh.  Nothing like that was like only two days ago.....This is why I don't like doctors.  They have yet to figure this all out.  I hate this pain.  The nerve pain is ridiculous but it comes in these waves every few weeks to a month or so and last usually only three days sometimes longer.  This time it has been over a week switching all over the place.  ....which makes me still ponder that MS diagnosis....but I am not ready to come to that conclusion just yet.. My grandfather ended up in a wheelchair with that diagnosis.   A few years ago there were three spots on my brain on an MRI.  They repeated it and they were gone.....luckily no further spots two years ago.  The malformation was "fixed" but that doesn't explain the continued intense nerve pain.  So I just continue to go on and on seeming like some hypochondriac which I am not.  I run to escape the pain and the frustration.  Trust me running does not make it worse unless I am overdoing it.  I tried not running for months and all it did was make my symptoms worse and me more depressed.  Sorry about this "all about me" post but when this headache/pain in my face hits I sit and wonder "what the heck? really? again?"  No doctor visits because no one cares too much to dig deep.  Haven't found the right doctor or the energy to be the patient again.  My GP just shakes his head and says its neurological, here try this medication.  At least I am hopeful this wave will be over before Ogden.  I am ready to have a nice run down the Canyon with the possibility of a big PR there.  Hopefully a marathon PR.  

Face still numbish with some burning nerve pain on left side.  Feels like my left ear is under water.  Allergies?  Does this every May/June and other nonspecific times of the year.  It also involves my muscles.  My left shoulder and shoulder blades have tons of sore areas and I have done no upper body.  I call them my trigger points.  If I touch the area which I do often to try to rid my body of whatever is staying put in there, I can feel pain in other distant areas like down the inside of my arm and up the back of my neck to my face.  They are quite painful.  I don't know how to break the cycle when it gets this bad.  Benedryl puts me into a coma and very non-me like feeling but it may have to happen.  Anyway still ran the schedule 6 x 400 meters since it was short with 400 meter recovery.  Ran 2.25 mile warm up to the AF track.  Here are the splits in for the 400s:  89 (5:59), 91 (6:05), 88 (5:53), 87 (5:48), 89 (6:00), 89 (5:57).   Goal was  5:55 to 6:00).  That second one was slow due to a lack of a visual on my garmin. My garmin was in a no pace showing mode for whatever reason so it was very annoying not being able to see where I was at.  After two 400s I had to reset my watch to at least see the first two splits to gauge my effort.   I had to keep reseting my watch for the last four to see those splits at the end.  My garmin just told me when the lap ended and how far I had left, starting and ending with the five beeps.  I don't know how it got out of showing me my pace, switching screens like it used to.  Arghh.  Got to figure out these glitches by Saturday.  Ran 2.25 miles home real slow.

Storks dropped off from all directions last night and I was the lucky admit nurse....Got lots of help though because its hard to get quads (from different moms ) all at the same time and then another set an hour later and then another set and another.....seriously?  Yes.  I also diagnosed a serious situation in one single look, but that's my job and has been for years.  Babies are my thing. I clocked out 1 1/2 hours later than shift end time with a no lunch deduction.  No time to sit back and review the night, just shoulder to the wheel all night long.  Passed up on any sort of running today.  Absolutely need the rest day.  Tomorrow is a 7 miler with three at MP.  Still have the numbness nerve pain in the back of my neck and side of face.  Waxes and wanes all day long.  A lot worse when I pass by perfume/cleaners.  This too shall pass is my motto for the week.   Got things to do Saturday : D.

Plan:  3 @ MP, whatever that is.  Three days and we will find out.  I am thinking around 7:10 to 7:15, cross fingers.  Anyway.....So I get out there and think of doing a "dress rehearsal" but it is just too damp and cold at the moment.  Wore sweat shirt over nylon shirt, shorts, headband, gloves and iPod (and my new running shoes that have been beat into submission).  First "warmup" (faster than my usual) mile 8:15, second 8:14, and .5 at 8:10 before the MP miles began on an honest mostly flat course with some slight inclines and declines to keep it real.  Seriously the garmin and I are in a  love/hate relationship.  I sure miss the days that I "pretended" to run faster with a regular watch : D.  I keep it at showing my avererage pace for the lap, current average and overall average, and of course distance run.  I know three numbers to wheel in my head but it keeps my OCD in gear at all times.  This is new.  I just started doing this after Melanie and I ran together 13 miles.  She saw the average and I was clueless.  So to step it up and make me push it more I changed over.  Top Secret info?  Not, just lack of using my big money watch to its fullest.  Getting there.  Okay here are my MP/1/2 MP?  splits:  7:00, 7:01, 6:44.  Average pace for 7 miles= 7:35.  It actually felt easy but my heartrate was working more on my stomach because I ate the BIGGEST breakfast, over 500 calories!!  It didn't come up though : D.    I don't like to eat that much before running but I didn't eat or drink much yesterday.  In fact I am pretty dehydrated right now after that long shift and coma day yesterday when I didn't feel like eating or drinking.  But now its time to refuel so I can float down the Ogden Canyon with ease : D.    I am getting more and more "chompy".  That's a new word for the day.  It means I am chomping at the bit and raring to go.  

Drove to the head of the new trail and ran up 2.5 and back.  5 @ 9 pace.  Felt very NON-RUNNER-like.  Aching back and bilateral butt nerve pains (double sciatica) due to vacuuming and cleaning the windows of our basement yesterday.  Carpet is currently being placed.  So much for good air quality... new carpet smells so wonderful to regular people, but unfortunately not myself.  I stuffed my nose with tissues to avoid breathing in the fumes.  It works to fiend off the headache.  I am seriously trying to get serious about being serious.  Seriously?  Really I have all these running plans, one in particular and then I go running today and think, seriously?  are you joking?  26.2 miles at 7:10 to 7:15 average.....reality check....reality check....Mr. McFly!!  I am sooooo dated.  I am just going to go by feel.  If it happens, it happens.  I promised Kim I would make my muscles burn by the end, so that's in the stars already.  Went to Good Earth and picked up some goodies...but really Good Earth is NOT so good Earth.  The smells in that place get me in a coughing fit.  What is it with all those not-so-green fragrances in there?  They are worse than any grocery store.  On to better subjects....Running, Resting, Eating, Hydrating that's what I am trying to do.  I soooooo want to weed my flower beds but I am trying to hold off and not make me have some hamstring issues pulling those things up.  I already over did it yesterday but I have time to recover.  I am still as of yet driving up on Saturday morning at 330am.  My mom arrives tomorrow from Arizona and I haven't seen her in 6 months.  I see her twice a year sometimes once.  She won't be coming to see me run though as my sister is here also so we trade off having her at our homes.  I think about coming up there Friday but  I don't sleep anyway the night before a marathon.  The drive should be about 1 hr 10 minutes since I will have the road to myself.  Roll call for buses is 445am!!!!  They all pull out at the same time of 5am!!   Last year Melanie and I missed the busses.   Quite the hoot as we sped up the mountainside to the start breaking thru barricades etc... and we even were staying at the 13 mile mark up there.  Pretty funny if you remember that story : D.  We got there in a 20 minute to start fashion.  Can you imagine if I actually slept and missed getting up for the race?  

I will TRY to be brief.  Went up yesterday and met Josse and stayed with her and Ericka.  We had a fun time "trying" to sleep well.  They ran the half.  I met up with McKenzie and Aubrey at the start.   Ran my own race.  Goal to be at 7:15 AP until mile 14.5 then pick it up.  Sounds good in theory but at Ogden it doesn't really work that way.  Not sure if I took it slower earlier on it would even help at all.  Let's just say that at mile numero uno I knew this would be a mind over body ordeal the entire way.  My pelvis and lower back felt like they were going to snap at any moment.  I would use my hands to hold up my butt and that would alleviate the pulsating nerve pain in my butt cheeks.  Eventually that pain would move to my hamstrings and slowly but surely the pain wore on me and the last 2.7 miles were  utterly without spunk or drive.  I kept telling myself that Kim would not be impressed right now but I would answer back in my head that I didn't care.  She is not here and it just doesn't matter.  Certainly if I pick it up my sinews would unravel and I would collapse.   After two doses of ibuprofen and an ice dip in the AF river I am now walking normally no soreness.  I just have this pulsating  nerve pain from my  lower back to my pelvis and butt cheeks and groin.  Eeeks.  It reminds me of labor pains.  But that's enough whining.  I ran it and I didn't give up.  I soooooo wanted to be done at mile 14, 15, 16- 26.2.  In fact my garmin read I ran 26.36 miles in 3:15:25 that's a 7:24 pace!!  I must have been swerving all over the place  : D.  Really I started my watch before I crossed the chip line when the gun went off.  Oooops.    Here are my splits:   7:22, 7:20, 7:09, 7:03, 7:08, 7:15, 7:10,  7:12,  7:22, 7:14,  7:25,  7:18, 7:21 (not sure on half way, probably 1:35:45 to 1:36, will see when they post splits on the results),  7:31 (pelvic pain really burning), 7:47 (that uphill),  7:28,  7:24,  7:08 (briefly I saw my pace at 6:24!!, never again ) ,  7:07,  7:22,  7:30, 7:23,  7:08, 7:37 (crashing on the river trail once again, can't take these rolling hills and laid back walkers and biker crowds),  8:11 (I just don't give a darn.  I hurt like you know what and I am PRing already.  I could walk a bit and still PR here.  How's that for giving up mentally?)  8: 18  (even 23 week PREGO women are beating me this mile, right Josse?!! : D).  Last .2 unknown as I ran .36 miles at 8:13.  Geez at least I picked it up a little.  The last mile reminded me of Disneyland's Haunted Mansion "Is this room actually stretching?  or is it your imagination? and how about this perplexing question?  how do you find a way out?  This could be re-written as "is the finish line really a mile a way? or is this road actually stretching?  your imagination?  YES.  Is there a way out.  Perhaps.  One foot in front of the other baby!!  Oh to cross the finish line.  A glorious moment!!